


think of me when you look at the stars

by rocketshiptospace



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, spaaaaaace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-19
Updated: 2013-10-19
Packaged: 2017-12-29 21:30:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1010322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocketshiptospace/pseuds/rocketshiptospace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I love you, Gavin."</p><p>Gavin holds Ryan close and leans his head against his shoulder. "I love you too, Ryan. We'll be fine, ok? Trust me. I'll be back to bother you before you know it."</p><p>Ryan pulls back slightly and caresses Gavin's cheeks. "You never bother me, you know that right? I love you, to the moon and back." </p><p>Gavin huffs. "Only to the moon? I'm disappointed in you Haywood, I thought you loved me more than that."</p><p>Ryan slightly laughs. "Fine. To the moon and beyond."</p>
            </blockquote>





	think of me when you look at the stars

Life gets lonely sometimes, Ryan knows this. He likes to think that's why he became an aerospace engineer in the first place. Going to the slow process of creating something that was going to discover other planets, other worlds always made him feel less lonely. 

Because while building all those machines and testing them and designing them he always imagined what those machines would do, what they would see, where they would go.   
It somehow made him feel like he belonged somewhere. 

And then Gavin appeared in his life. Gavin, who flipped everything inside out and upside down but also finally, finally made him feel at home. 

Because beside the fact that Gavin is annoying little shit, he is the only person ever that has been able to calm Ryan down by just pressing a kiss on his forehead and say "We'll be fine, trust me." 

He's the only one that can get Ryan to sleep on nights his insomnia kicks in, the only one that makes him stop working every now and then when he's over working himself again. 

That same Gavin is standing in front of him right now, tears glistening in the corners of his eyes. He's not going to cry, Ryan knows that, because Gavin never cries. At least not when there are people around to see. 

Ryan remembers the first time he met Gavin, when they were testing out some new steering system, seeing if it was possible for the astronauts to work with. 

Gavin had bounded in all excited, followed by a laughing boy with freckles and red curly hair and a sighing guy with black hair and glasses, two guys he later came to know as Michael and Ray. 

The tests went smoothly, Ryan here and there writing down changes and adding a few things here and there. He keeps side eyeing Gavin though, with his bright smile and cute sounding British accent. 

Later, after they're done testing, Gavin walks over to him and Ryan desperately tries to look simultaneously interesting and busy and not bothered by Gavin's figure approaching him. 

He fails miserably, dropping two pens and an important file and making Gavin laugh. "You ok there?" He says and Ryan fumbles to pick his papers back up while hiding his blush. 

"I, yeah, I'm ok. I'm Ryan." He says when he has gathered all his stuff and placed it on the table. 

"The name's Gavin Free. Nice to meet you." Gavin extends his hand and Ryan shakes it and it's probably the result of a long day of work and barely any sleep but he swears he feels a spark between them. 

But then again, it might be the three energy drinks and four coffee he had that day. 

He gets taken back to the present time by Gavin placing a hand on his shoulder and smiling at him sadly. "Watcha thinking about?" 

Ryan tries to smile back. It's hard. "The first time we met."

Gavin laughs, albeit a bit shakingly. "Oh right, the time you were so stunned by my beauty you dropped like all your stuff."

Ryan slaps him playfully. "No I was just tired and that stuff was heavy, ok?"

Gavin raises his eyebrow. "They were pens and papers Ryan. Pens and Papers."

Ryan doesn't answer that. "You should say goodbye to your family." He says instead, nodding towards the Ramseys, who are standing a few feet away from them, talking to Lindsay and Michael, who have yet to let go of each other. 

"You are my family, Ry." Gavin says, pecking Ryan's nose lovingly. 

Ryan sends him a look and Gavin sighs, heading over to them anyway. 

Ryan watches him walk towards the Ramseys and pick Millie up and spin her around and it reminds him of the time Gavin told him he had wanted to be an astronaut since he was three. 

It reminds him of how this is Gavin's dream, how had always wanted this, how this is what he trained for all this year. 

But still, Ryan can't shake the bad feeling he has had ever since he woke up this morning. That heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach like this was the last time he would wake up next to Gavin, the last time he would watch him devour pancakes at top speed, the last time he would hear him sing along to the Backstreet Boys on the car ride to the NASA headquarters. 

He knows it is stupid, this fear Gavin won't come back. It's a very easy flight, everything should be secure and Gavin will only stay in the space station for about four month. 

He takes a deep breath and puts on what he hopes looks like a smile when he sees Gavin coming over to him again. 

"I have to go." Gavin says and the last remains of Ryan's happy facade crumble and he launches himself into Gavin's arms, holding him tight, tears spilling from his eyes. "I love you, Gavin."

Gavin holds Ryan close and leans his head against his shoulder. "I love you too, Ryan. We'll be fine, ok? Trust me. I'll be back to bother you before you know it."

Ryan pulls back slightly and caresses Gavin's cheeks. "You never bother me, you know that right? I love you, to the moon and back." 

Gavin huffs. "Only to the moon? I'm disappointed in you Haywood, I thought you loved me more than that."

Ryan slightly laughs. "Fine. To the moon and beyond."

Gavin smiles. "Better." He says, before pulling Ryan in a long heartfelt kiss, only broken off by Goeff telling him he really has to go now. 

Gavin presses one last kiss to Ryan's cheek and dissapears in the crowd. Ryan doesn't watch him leave, instead of focusing on the work ahead. He turns to his computers, checking energy levels and battery powers. 

Work swallows him up, makes him forget for awhile, making him barely pay attention to his suroundings, but then Burnie shouts: "Ok, people, counting down from ten, nine, eight.."

Ryan takes a shaky breath and looks up to the screen, where he can see the rocket and the excited faces from Ray, Michael and, of course, Gavin. 

"Five, four, three..."

Gavin face changes from smiles to pure concentration and the engine start burning. 

"Two, one, LIFT OFF."

The rocket takes off and Ryan's breath catches in his throat, a mantra of "please let this go all right" going through his mind. 

They make it. They make it past the atmosphere and they're in space and everyone is cheering and Ryan can see Gavin smiling and Lindsay, who's standing next to him, takes her eyes of her computer screen for a second too to high five Ryan. 

And that's when the loud beeping noise starts. 

If all the years of working at NASA have learnt Ryan one thing, it is that beeping is not good. Especially not when the beeping is this loud. 

He can see Lindsay go pale next to him as everyone turns to their computers and starts hitting random buttons, trying to figure out what's going on. 

"It's the engine! There's something wrong with the engine!" Someone screams and Ryan's world stops. 

Because he knows that if the engine stops working right now, they won't reach the space station, but they also won't be able to return. 

They will float around in space until they run out of oxygen and then-

Ryan grits his teeth and wills his mind to think about other things. Focusing on how to fix this for example. 

Out the corner of his eye he sees Gavin communicating with Burnie and he seems surprisingly calm. 

It makes Ryan calm down too and he takes a deep breath, focusing on his work again.   
But then another horrible noise sounds, a screeching that turns into rumbling and suddenly there's an explosion and nononono. 

Silence falls over the room and Burnie is the first to break it. "The motor exploded." They all know what this means, from the people in the room to the people currently on screen.   
Michael, Ray and Gavin are not coming back. 

Lindsay's blood curling scream is what breaks the silence and Ryan rushes over to her, holding her close while she screams Michael's name and begs Ryan, God, anyone to get him home anyway. 

From over Lindsay's shoulder he can see the big screen, sees Michael's face being torn by millions of emotions. There's tears rolling down his cheeks but Ryan knows they're not because of his oncoming death. 

They're for Lindsay, his fiancée, who clutches onto Ryan while she screams Michael's name. 

One by one the engineers and technicians leave the room, knowing there is nothing they can do anymore. It's over, and they should let friends and family say goodbye before they cut the stream.

Ryan eventually leaves too, when he has made sure Lindsay is ok, so she can talk to Michael in privacy for awhile. 

He hasn't looked at Gavin this entire time. 

\--  
He lets everyone go before him, all the friends and family of the three astronauts, everyone.   
But eventually Geoff walks up to him and tells him it's his turn to say goodbye so he takes a deep breath and opens the door. 

Gavin's face is filling the screen and he is smiling weakly. "Hey Ry."

"Gavin, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have let you go, this is all my fault, it was all my fucking fault."

Gavin quickly shakes his head, "no Ryan, don't ever think this was your fault. This was my dream, remember? And sometimes dreams come with a high price. I just really hate that I have to leave you behind like this."

Ryan shakes his head, unable to pronounce words. 

"Hey, Ryan, the view from up here is lovely, you know? I'm pretty sure I can see our house." Gavin jokes, making Ryan laugh slightly. 

"I love you, Gav. You are my everything you know that?"

Gavin smiles sadly. "You are my everything too. That's why you have to promise me something."

"And that is?"

"Find someone else. Find someone new to fall in love with, ok? Don't dwell on the stupid Britt that got stuck in space, all right?"

Ryan shakes his head. "I can't promise that. I'll try my best, but I can't promise it."

"Good enough. Fine then, promise me something else."

"Yes?"

"Promise me you won't forget to water the plants. I'd hate to see that beautiful fuchsia die."

Ryan fondly smiles. "I will. I love you, Gav."

Gavin smiles back. "To the moon and beyond."

And then the screen turns black.


End file.
